Fw: Capitalism and Cows: new words on an old theme

Originally from: Susan Staunton
                        
This was forwarded to me by my daughter, I am obviously instilling cynicism in her from an early age

----- Original Message -----
From: ...

Originally from: "Williams, Lucy" <...>
To: <...>
Sent: Friday, March 08, 2002 3:01 PM
Subject: FW: Capitalism and Cows: new words on an old theme

-----Original Message-----
From: Debono, John-Paul
Sent: 08 March 2002 08:32
To: GROUP – Shareholder Analysis
Subject: Capitalism and Cows: new words on an old theme

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed

company,

using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a

tax

exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are

transferred

via
an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the

majority

shareholder who sells the
rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual

report

says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one

cow

to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine

cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called
Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and
then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

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