Originally from: Mike Meredith
                        
The light side of communication

A friend has just sent me these quotes from aircraft maintenance log entries showing the problems reported by pilots (P) and solutions recorded by mechanics (S).

with the comment...

Never let it be said that aircraft maintenance crews lack a sense of humour! [or indeed any of us – Mike]

 P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
 S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

 P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
 S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

 P: No.2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
 S: No.2 propeller seepage normal. Nos.1, 3 & 4 propellers lack normal
 seepage.

 P: Something loose in cockpit.
 S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 P: Dead bugs on windshield.
 S: Live bugs on backorder.

 P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
 S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed.

 P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
 S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
 S: That's what they're there for!

 P: OFF inoperative.
 S: OFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
 S: Suspect you're right.

 P: Number 3 engine missing.
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 [The pilot meant 'engine misfiring'.]

 P: Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 P: Radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

 P: Mouse in cockpit.
 S: Cat installed.