Jiglu: Farmtalking: Discussion: Re: RE: Communication

Originally from: Mary Critchley

Dear Mike

You are a marvel.

You are saying the things that I need to hear and be reminded of – right now -at this moment. I am having a particularly sad time and am determined not to go droopy. I don't fancy myself in the role of victim of life (and death)

I don't much care for the trendy "life skills" short-cut new-agey things – but one sentence that has been ringing and ringing in my head over the last few days is "you create your life, you don't discover it."

And I love that Kipling quotation from your last message.

May I respectfully send a hug?

Mary

----- Original Message -----
From: ...
Originally from: <...>
To: <...>
Sent: Thursday, August 29, 2002 1:57 PM
Subject: [farmtalking] RE: Communication
Dear Frances, Coleen and Pat ("Looking in other direction" postings),
In personal development training we are familiar with what we call the
"Not being heard" drama.

My first encounter with this was a personal one – leaving a job where I
was "Not being heard" only to find myself in a new job where I was also "Not being heard"! And as if that was not enough I also found myself also in a couple of leisure groups where I was also "Not being heard" AND came to painfully realise that "Not being heard" was actually a lifelong pattern stretching back to my childhood!

With the aid of cognitive therapy training which I undertook at that time,
I came to realise that actually LIFE was trying to tell ME something and was "NOT BEING HEARD".

Life was telling me that I could usefully look at the why, how and where
of my communications – a rather embarrassing bit of feedback for someone who had taught communication skills for many years!

The only long-term solution to these uncomfortable life patterns is to
track them back to the early-life wounds which set them up, and change that programming (conditioning) and replace it with more effective training.

In the meantime here are 3 quick tips that have worked well for me...
1. "Never try to teach a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the
pig"

2. "If you wrestle with a pig you'll both get dirty and only a pig will
find this rewarding"

(you can see that my years of being involved in pig health work where not
entirely wasted!)
3. "If you can bear to hear the truths you've spoken, twisted by twisted
by rogues to make a trap for fools, or watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build them up with wornout tools...

...Yours is the earth and everything that's in it!"
(paraphrased from Rudyard Kipling's "If")
What did Kipling mean? What had he learned?
I believe that he had become aware of the tremendous creative power of
suffering.
Communication Stress is after all just "energy" albeit in a rather
uncomfortable form.

As physicists know, energy is indestructible, it can only go round and
round or be transformed from one format to another (even into solid material things). The stress of suffering can be transformed into personal growth (skill, wisdom, experience), creative ideas and solutions and the healing of old wounds (which is where I began this message).

Whether you prefer your suffering to go round and round, or prefer to
transform it into something else – have a great day!

Mike
www.stress-counselling.co.uk
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